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Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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