anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
