i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
