Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Found the puke drawer
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
