giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
