The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
