my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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