There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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