I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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