I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
