Im at strip club and am horny
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
