Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
