So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
