I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
