How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
