so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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