Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
