I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
