so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
