brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
