NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
