toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
