3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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