Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
