Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
