Just cropdusted the office
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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