I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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