it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
