When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
