you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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