no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
