He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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