i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
