There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
