So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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