i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize