can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
