I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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