I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
