Where did you get a picture of my penis
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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