I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
