This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
