I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
