Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
why do cheetos always look like penises
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
