I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize