Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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