we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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