I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
