it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
