woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
