last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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