i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
