True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize