my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize