My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
