I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
