If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
