she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
