i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
