I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
