I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
