did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
