On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
