My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
