I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
