I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
